MARRIAGE - IOWA STYLE...

When I voted for Obama, I expected the gay marriage thing to be handled with dignity, class, style and taste. Instead, what I'm seeing is an endless string of bucktoothed country rubes who look like they're stopping off to take a leak at a service station on their way to a fish fry at the Odd Fellows lodge...

CONCERNING A BITCH FROM HELL....

I used to be a compulsive letter-to-the-editor writer. I've had letters in USA Today, the New York Times, the Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times. What I can say about it, is: it's fun seeing your name in print. But after you've seen it for the twentieth time, it ceases to be the big deal it was the first time you saw it.

I still get the urge occasionally to pick up a pen, but I've learned to control it. These days, I have bigger fish to fry.

Still, it's fun to take the letters out and read them every once in a while. Brings back memories, not always good.

Here's one from the New York Times. It all started with a news article about this bitch from hell...

Actually she wasn't from hell. She was from New York (where else?) and she was rich (her daddy's money) and she thought the world was her oyster. She thought we were all bit players in her movie. And then one day she was at a restaurant and when people didn't get out of her way fast enough, she did what any self-loathing (I was about to say "self-respecting" but that would be an insult to all the bitches out there who actually respect themselves) bitch from hell would do. She ran over them. With her car. Her name will live in infamy, thanks in part to me....





Here's my letter, short and sweet...





The letter was picked up by a number of sites that deal in crime and punishment and rich, hellish bitches...

BARACK OBAMA & ROBERT MUGABE? Well, kind of....

Letter to the New York Times

Gentlemen:

So....Barack Obama is almost there, just 45 delegates shy of the 2026 magic number. The voyage is almost over. Time for the Good Ship Obama to steam merrily into port, deck lights ablaze, ship's horn blaring, maybe even the fire hoses shooting streams of water into the air like they do at those tall ships events. All in all, it's time to party.

Just one little thing. Actually not so little. More than 2 million voters cast ballots in the Michigan and Florida Democratic primaries. And their votes are about to be....well, let's just say, they're about to be manipulated.

We all know the story. Michigan and Florida decided to move their primaries to the front of the line. The Democratic National Committee said, no, you can't do that. Michigan and Florida responded, "Just watch us." So, here we are with all these Michigan and Florida votes and the DNC is starting to sound like Katherine Harris (remember her?).

The problem for Barack Obama is, Hillary won those states. And if they count them, two things happen, both bad for him. Hillary gets more delegates and the bar gets raised from 2026 to 2118.

Oh my! Can't have that.

If they don't count them, Or if they work out some weaseling, behind-the-scenes, backroom deal, like counting half or giving the Michigan uncommitteds to Obama, then, as far as I'm concerned, Obama should re-register as a George Bush Republican. Because that's what he'd be.

Back in 2000, the Democrats were the ones screaming, "Count the votes! Count ALL the votes!" The same should apply here. Count ALL the votes!

And if the Democrats don't?

If I were John McCain, I'd make Robert Mugabe Barack Obama's running mate.

Dale Andersen