MEMO TO MISTER LIBERAL: HE AIN'T WHO YOU THOUGHT HE WAS...

Barack Obama is getting less left with each passing day.

You liberals thought the 77 days from election to inauguration would be a joyful procession to the mantle of power, each day filled with events, symbolic or otherwise, pointing toward release and liberation from the dark years of George W.

It hasn't happened. As you stand there, open-mouthed, aghast at some of your standard-bearer's appointments, conservatives across the board have praised them. John McCain "applauds" the President-elect. The Weekly Standard sees him continuing "the course set by Bush..." Well shit, how much worse can it get?

A lot worse. This much worse.



See that guy next to him? That's Rick Warren, pastor of the hugest fundie megachurch in Orange County, California. He is rich and he is famous. How famous is he? He's so famous Oprah recommended his book. How rich is he? His book has sold 20 million copies.

He is against abortion. He is against homosexual marriage. And he is going to deliver the invocation at Barack Obama's inauguration.

The point is, Barack could have asked almost any clergyman and almost any clergyman would have said yes. It's a signal honor to deliver the invocation at the inauguration. You get to pray for the country on live television before a world audience in hi-def.

But he asked Rick Warren.

What does it mean for Californians?

For starters, it means all the sore losers out there can't count on the White House for help in getting Prop 8 overturned. Looks like it's here to stay.

Somewhere, right now, a million Mormons are laughing their asses off.

EGO-BOOSTER NUMBER 4

This has got to be the biggest and grandest ego-booster of them all.

Let me start this way. You write a play and it gets produced and people come up afterwards and tell you how "lovely" or "touching" or "revealing" it was. Sometimes they even use words like "breathtaking" or "magical." But seldom will you get someone who tells you that your play changed his life. Or that he made a life-choice based upon your play.

I'll wager even the top playwrights rarely (if ever) get someone who tells them, "Your play changed my life."

Last September, out of the blue, I got an email from a young lady who performed in one of my productions. She told me, because of my play, she decided not to abort her baby. She wanted to thank me. Here's the email.



It speaks for itself.

And the message it carries is more valuable than money or fame.

JOHN LENNON - CLOSET GAY-BAITER...

John Lennon was a closet homophobe.

No doubt about it.



Example: "Give Peace a Chance" was released in 1969. Here are the lyrics:

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Bagism, Shagism,
Dragism, Madism,
Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism,
ism ism ism
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(C'mon)

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Minister, Sinister,
Banisters and Canisters,
Bishops, Fishops,
Rabbis and Pop Eyes,
Bye bye, Bye byes
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(Let me tell you now)

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Revolution, Evolution,
Flagellation, Regulation,
Integrations, mediations,
United Nations, congratulations
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
John and Yoko,
Timmy Leary,
Rosemary
Tommy Smothers,
Bobby Dylan,
Tommy Cooper
Derek Taylor,
Norman Mailer,
Alan Ginsberg,
Hare Krishna
Hare Hare Krishna
All we are saying is give peace a chance
All we are saying is give peace a chance

(Repeat 'til the tape runs out)

Those are the lyrics. So far, so good. However, if you listen to the song, the first line sounds like:

Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
Faggots faggots faggots

Don't believe me? Have a listen for yourself...




Sounds like faggots, yes? And I recall around campus (I was going to college at the time the single was released) hearing kids singing it as "faggots." And I think that's exactly what John Lennon intended. He had a mean streak. A new book about him recounts his cruel, diabolical side.

"Give Peace a Chance" fooled a lot of people. Here's a great story one lady posted on an Internet message board:

...it happened in the late 90s when I was working for Tower Records. We had the Lennon Legend album on and Give Peace A Chance starts playing as I work the register. I was at the main register and had about 4 customers in line. A black lady was getting some assistance from a co-worker at the register about 15 feet away. And then a gay white dude comes to my co-workers counter, interrupting the black lady in mid sentence, and starts complaining about the music.

Gay White Dude: Please turn off this music! It's offensive.

Co-worker: It's Give Peace A Chance. What's the problem?

Gay White Dude: It's disrespectful because it says faggot. Please turn it off.

Black Lady: Excuse me. I'm trying to get some help here.

The Gay White Dude turns on her with a vengeance.

Gay White Dude: How would you like it if they were playing a song that said nigger in it?

Black Lady: What did you say, faggot?

At this point everyone stopped what they were doing, including me, to watch.

The Gay White Dude says a little louder: How would you like it if they were playing a song that said nigger, nigger, nigger in the store?

Black lady screams: Faggot, faggot, faggot!

White dude screams: Nigger, nigger, nigger!

And they keep going back and forth at the top of their voices. All the while, the chorus "All we are saying, is give peace a chance" is playing over and over. Completely nuts!

Eventually the police came and took the Gay White Dude away.

All I could think to say to my customers was: If you enjoyed the show, please tip your waitress.

It was sooo surreal...


Certainly not one of John Lennon's finer moments, n'est pas? And here's a sidelight on the lyrics. It seems the scrap of paper on which John composed the song was purloined in 1969. And now, the purloiner is selling it.

News Update: This post made the New Yorker magazine. Woohoo!

QUESTION: IF THEY ATTACK YOUR HOUSE OF WORSHIP, CAN YOU IN GOOD CONSCIENCE KICK THEIR ASSES? ANSWER: FUCK, YEAH!

This is in Friday's New York Times...

EGO BOOSTER NUMBER THREE...

WooHoo! Got my UCI Screenwriting Certificate!



What this means is, I can now apply to take Tim Albaugh's master class...which is tough. And expensive...

A MORMON FANTASY expressed in bad poetry.....

THE EL AYE (L.A.) TEMPLE MASSACREE OF 2008, a Mormon fantasy






Prologue:

Excuse us Mister Faggot
We saw you yesterday
Walk barefoot in the Plaza
Your clothes in disarray

That man who walked beside you
A beanie on his head
And "No More Mister Nice Gay"
On a button painted red.

You sounded agitated.
You looked like you'd explode
You fizzed and fussed and fuzzled.
You headed down the road.

You met up with your posse
They carried protest signs
You all set off a-marching
We jumped right into line

We nudged one of your pallies
We tapped him on the back
We asked him what his name was
How come he's wearing black

He waved that sign above him
And foaming at the mouth
He said to call him Scooter
He pointed to the south.

"Down there is where we're going"
He spoke with one eye shut
"We're off to hate the haters
And kick some Mormon butt."



Scooter at the top of his voice





At the Temple:

We halted at the Temple,
Hi-jacked´ the traffic stops
We blocked up all the exits.
We mooned their rent-a-cops.

The Beanie Man, he plundered
A trash can from the mall
The crew unzipped their whizzers
They filled it big and small.

They asked us to contribute
We kind of backed away.
"Excuse our bashful bladders."
Is what they heard us say.

Now Scooter, he gets nasty
The crew turns ugly, too
They say to us, "You're useless,
If you can't piss on cue."

Just then the Mormon pastor
His name is Billy Buck
He drives up in his Caddy
He wonders "What the fuck?"

They raise up high the trash can
They dump it on his grill
They hoot and whoop and holler
Around that Coupe de Ville.

Now Billy Buck, he's steaming
He's ticking like a bomb
He's feeling some old feelings
He hasn't felt since 'Nam.

They chant, "The whole world's watching!"
He gets out of his car.
He looks around and mutters
"I hope to fuck they are."

He takes the bat he's holding
He cleans old Scooter's clock
Then Beanie Man comes at him
He knocks him down cold-cock

He points the bat right at us
"Are you with them?" he sneers.
We say, "We're just a-leaving."
We get our ass in gear.



Billy Buck in his Caddy





Epilogue:

It's night time in the city
A businessman goes home
A cop drives down an alley
A poet writes a poem.

Outside the Mormon temple
The cars go humming by
A girl and boy walk slowly
The ghostly urban sky

But now it's so unsettled
And nothing's like it was
And Billy's out there somewhere
The town is all abuzz

The talk shows talk about him
His face is on the screen
They spotted him in Houston
Or was it Abilene?

He called the paramedics
Before he cut and run
We heard the tape recording
His call to nine-one-one

He's talking to the dispatch.
It's clearly Billy Buck
He's saying, "Send a medic
And send a garbage truck."

The dispatch answers Billy
"The medic's on his way.
About that other matter.
A garbage truck, you say?"

"I think I broke my ankle".
Said Billy, short and sweet.
"The garbage truck's to pick up
The shit out on the street."

The ambulance, it got there
There was no Billy Buck
He's somewhere in his Caddy
So let's just say good luck.

A BRILLIANT CARTOON

Someone had way too much time on his hands, and Thank God, he did. This cartoon is brilliant. Enjoy!

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