Who's Blake Snyder? He wrote Save The Cat, which is the latest in a series of "must-read" books about screenwriting. If you take a screenwriting class anywhere in Academia, the name "Blake Snyder" will pop up.
Blake Snyder says something must happen on page 25. Must. He says whenever someone hands him a script, the first place he goes is, you guessed it. But don't take my word for it. Let's go straight to Blake himself:
Wise words, succinctly put.
He died a couple months back. All of us who read his books will miss him.
So here we are at page 60 of MELEK RIK. 30 pages to go. And things are happening right on schedule. The previous parts are here, here and here.
The best thing is, in my mind, I'm starting to plot out my next screenplay. That means I'm in total control.
INT. MADDIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The bloody bat is gone from over the headboard.
EXT. A PATH IN THE WOODS NEAR WHIT & KID’S CABIN - NIGHT
A line of burning torches. Sound of many footsteps on the path. No one speaks. Men’s forms and faces in the flickering flames, half-glimpsed, half-seen.
A CABIN up ahead in the dark. No lights in the windows.
The footsteps stop. Suddenly, we see Maddie’s face in the torch light, every feature, every line in sharp relief. We see the bloody bat.
MADELINE
......Let’s roll!
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
The Coeur d'Alene VAN rounds the corner, horn honking. It stops and lets Kid off. He straps on his heavy backpack, waves to the Driver, walks up the road.
EXT. THE PATH - DAY
Kid walks slowly, carefully balancing his burden. Suddenly, a “something’s not right” look on his face. He stops. He sniffs the air.
EXT. THE CABIN - DAY
A single blackened chimney is all that’s left of the cabin.
The Preacher, a cloth against his nose, has just begun shovelling dirt into a grave as Kid bursts into the clearing. Kid throws his backpack down. Kid's face tells us the stench is overwhelming.
The Preacher drops the shovel, grabs hold of Kid, picks him up and throws him into the grave.
PREACHER
......They came looking, you worthless country ......cocksucker. They didn’t find you ‘cause you ......were still out and about enjoying yourself. But ......they found Whit. Wherever he is, he’s cursing ......you with every hellfire breath he has. Cursing ......you 'cause you can’t control your devils. And ......down the road, when you and he meet up, ......I hope he - -
Kid claws at the loose dirt. Whit’s rotting head, leaking ooze from the eye sockets, pops to the surface. He screams.
PREACHER
......I should bury you with him. What the hell ......were you expecting? Did you think that ......boy wasn’t gonna spill the beans on you?
KID
......Please. You got to help me! You got to ......save me.
The Preacher points.
PREACHER
......I’ll do this much for you. The hills are ......that way. I strongly suggest you start ......running.
The Preacher drops his shovel, starts to walk away.
KID
......You bastard! You’re leaving me with ......nothing! You’re leaving me with - -
He stops, turns, as Kid struggles to climb out of the grave.
PREACHER
......I leave you with your life. Which is more ......than you deserve.
INT. A CELL BLOCK IN A PRISON - DAY
Everywhere we see overcrowding, filth and misery. Outside each cell door, a bucket of human waste. Bolivar and the Major walk past the cells, escorted by two uniformed PRISON OFFICIALS. The Major holds a scented handkerchief to his nose. Bolivar scans each cell they pass with a critical eye. He frowns.
BOLIVAR
......That man has a book.
OFFICIAL 1
......It’s a religious book, General.
BOLIVAR
......He shouldn’t have it. Call him.
OFFICIAL 2
......You! Come here!
A PRISONER in Cossack dress comes to the bars.
BOLIVAR
......What does your book say?
PRISONER 1
......It says the rich and the strong already have ......their reward, General.
BOLIVAR
......Show me. Show me the page.
The Prisoner opens to a dogeared page. He holds it up. Bolivar reaches in, rips the page out. They walk on.
MAJOR
......You enjoyed that. You take pleasure in the ......misery of others.
BOLIVAR
......On the contrary, I did him a favor. He was ......operating under the illusion that the world is ......just. I gave him a proof that it’s not.
OFFICIAL 2
......Shall I go back and confiscate the book?
BOLIVAR
......Let him keep it. But tear out a page each ......day. Start with the end and end with the ......beginning. Over time, I expect his sense ......of hope will waste away like that of a ......starving African.
At the far end, the door opens. A MAN pushing a cart enters. The door clangs shut. We hear him calling “Garbage! Garbage!” as he picks up the slop buckets one by one and loads them.
BOLIVAR
......You keep pestering me for a command. ......All right. You have it. Yours to do with ......as you see fit.
MAJOR
......Where, Father?
BOLIVAR
......The Rocky Mountains. And the river ......valleys that empty into the Western ......Sea. Should keep you busy and out ......of my hair for a long time.
MAJOR
......I’ll need an army.
BOLIVAR
......So you will.
Bolivar stops at a cell, signals for the ragged filthy man inside to approach him.
BOLIVAR
......What’s your name, my good fellow?
PRISONER 2
......Tarik, sir.
BOLIVAR
......Have you ever led troops, Tarik?
PRISONER 2
......Never, sir.
BOLIVAR
......Ever served in the army? Ever killed ......a man?
PRISONER 2
......No, sir.
BOLIVAR
......This man is exceptionally qualified, ......uncorrupted by the flawed practices ......of the past. Do you see that man, ......Tarik?
PRISONER 2
......Yes, sir.
BOLIVAR
......That is Matthew, my less than useful son. ......Your job is to help him carve out his empire, ......so he’ll keep his nose out of my business. ......Think you’re up to the task?
PRISONER 2
......I’m your man, sir.
BOLIVAR
......Don’t be my man, Tarik. Be his man. ......Matthew, I give you your first recruit.
Bolivar grins a wicked grin and walks away. The Major stands, hanky to his nose, watching him. Then he turns to the Slop Bucket Man who’s now very close. We see it’s an old, bent, wasted Danny Prophet.
PRESIDENT
......Garbage! Garbage!
Prisoner 2 tugs at the Major’s sleeve. He wipes his nose.
PRISONER 2
......Hope you have a nice thick uniform for ......me, sir. It’s been cold in here. I’ve ......been a bit sick.
EXT. THE BALLPARK - DAY
Ten BOYS, ages eleven to fifteen, play a game of workups. A DOG lies in the shade of a tree. We see Jonah.
KID (O.S.)
......Told you they’d be there. They play ball ......almost every day. I watch ‘em from here.
EXT. A NEARBY HILLTOP - DAY
A platoon of SOLDIERS stands in a grove of trees in combat gear. Nearby, lower down in a gulch, a military HOVERCRAFT rests a foot above the ground, its power system silently purring. Kid stands next to the OFFICER-IN-CHARGE, who scans the diamond with binoculars.
KID
......They’re good boys, most of them. Good workers. ......Good students. They listen to their elders. They ......pay attention. They’ll make first-rate soldiers. I ......know them all and one thing I know for a fact is - -
The Officer-In-Charge turns.
OFFICER
......How about if you just have a big cup of shut the ......fuck up?
EXT. A MEETING HALL - DAY
Twenty old Buses and Trucks parked in a row. Two armed MEN patrol the area.
WOMAN 1 (O.S.)
......It’s that faggot getting even! Shouldda ......killed him when you had the chance, ......Preacher!
INT. THE MEETING HALL - DAY
Guns, coats and hats at the door. The Preacher at lectern.
A frightened, angry CROWD. Some of the WOMEN sob quietly. We see Kenny, Maddie, Tammy and Wendy.
PREACHER
......Kid had nothing to do with this.
MAN 2
......Preacher’s talking through his hat.
PREACHER
......Watch it! I tell you, this ain’t Kid. He couldn’t ......conceive of something this big. Hasn’t got the ......brain. Anyway, he’s long gone. Probably eaten ......by wolves. And even if the wolves didn’t, wasn’t ......him. If he’d of tried, the boys would of beat the ......crap out of him. Or outrun him. One or the other.
WOMAN 2
......Then what happened to our boys?
An shrivelled old MAN with wild eyes and hair below his shoulders speaks up.
MAN 1
......Vampires! Vampires, I tell you. Vampires out ......there. I seen ‘em.
Some of the Women start crying louder.
PREACHER
......How can you say it was vampires? Where’s ......the blood? Vampires need blood.
MAN 1
......There was no blood because they took ‘em ......for later. Use your head, Preacher. They got ......‘em all in a big pit somewhere. When they ......need blood, they pull one out and open a vein ......or an artery. One or t’other.
PREACHER
......How do you explain no sign of a struggle?
MAN 1
......There was no struggle because they use ......mind control. Everybody knows vampires ......disable their victims with telepathic beams ......of mass energy. They marched ‘em off into ......the mist like wooden soldiers.
More of the Women start crying out loud.
KENNY
......Oh shit!
MAN 1
......You go ahead and laugh, Ken Wetzel! ......But that’s how vampires operate! There’s ......books that’ll tell you that. If you ever read ......a book.
He stands up.
MAN 1
......Mark my words, some day, when we least ......expect it, our boys will return and their ......brains’ll be gone and they’ll have the look ......and smell of living death. Mark my words. ......Come on, girls. We’re leaving.
Three twentyish LADIES stand and follow him out the door, leaving behind a roomful of wailing Women.
PREACHER
......All right. All right. Calm down, everyone. ......Let’s think this thing out. Let’s brainstorm. ......Let’s consider the facts.
MAN 3
......What gets me is there was no fight, no one ......got away. How could that be?
PREACHER
......Got a theory. I read in a book about a kid ......who led these other kids on a crusade to ......Arabia. He had a powerful personality and ......all the other kids obeyed him without question. ......He’d walk up to a kid and say, “You’re going ......with me” and the kid would do it.
WOMAN 1
......You saying one of our boys led the others ......off on some wild goose chase?
PREACHER
......Don’t jump ahead, Sarah. Just considering ......the possibilities.
WOMAN 2
......Well, my Clement ain’t no svengali. So don’t ......you even suggest it.
MADELINE
......And Jonah wouldn’t do anything like that, either. ......Anyone who says he would is a liar.
Everybody springs up. Everybody starts shouting.
INT. KENNY’S BUS - DAY Just before sundown. Maddie, Tammy and Wendy sit silently side by side in the front passenger bench. The Bus approaches the motel. We see Maria and two older Boys and a teen-aged Girl, all armed, standing guard outside.
A look of relief on Maria’s face.
INT. MADDIE’S BEDROOM - DAY
Sound of kids playing somewhere outside. The bloody bat in the rifle rack. Maddie sits, stares through open window.
EXT. THE HILLTOP - DAY
Maddie sits and stares at the deserted baseball diamond.
EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE FOREST - NIGHT
Alan walks. He’s dressed in military camo. He walks softly, carefully, stealthily, like one born to the trail. He suddenly stops. His face tells us he hears something that’s not quite right.
EXT. SOMEWHERE CLOSE BY - NIGHT
Maddie walks softly, carefully, stealthily, keeping the underbrush between her and her prey, as she stalks Alan.
EXT. BACK TO ALAN - NIGHT
Alan slowly takes out his weapon, turns, moves swiftly, silently, catlike, toward Maddie’s position.
EXT. SOMEWHERE CLOSE BY - NIGHT
Maddie watches from her hiding place as Alan bursts through, weapon at the ready. She sees him slowly turning a 360, scanning, surveying. Finally, he puts his weapon away, returns to continuing his walk. Maddie emerges and continues her stalking him.
EXT. THE MOTEL - DAY
Three choppers parked next to the bus.
KENNY (O.S.)
......We thank thee, Lord, for these thy ......gifts received from thy bounty. ln ......the name of thy only begotten Son, ......Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.
EVERYONE (O.S.)
......Amen.
INT. THE DINING ROOM - DAY
Back when it was a functioning motel, this room was the cafe. Now it serves as the communal dining space. Maria, Tammy and Wendy each sits at a separate table with her children. Maddie sits alone.
Kenny sits at a table with his three guests, POPS, SONNY and GHOST. Everyone eats silently. Maddie picks at her food.
POPS
......lt's not every man that can live off ......the land, you know? Do your own ......thing in your own time. You should ......be proud.
SONNY
......Can we have some more coffee?
Kenny nods to Maddie. Maddie gets up, pours coffee for the Men and sits back down. The Kids at Tammy’s table snicker at a secret joke.
EXT. THE MOTEL - DAY
Pops, Sonny and Ghost get ready to leave. Tammy, Wendy, Maria and Maddie stand on the porch.
POPS
......The blonde one. She’s barren?
Kenny nods.
POPS
......She’ll conceive. Soon. She’ll have ......a boy.
KENNY
......How’s that gonna happen?
POPS
......................(A wise smile) ......Same way everything in the universe ......happens. Thanks for the food and the ......good company and the alcohol for our ......machines. And thank you for leading the ......prayer.
They rev their choppers and leave. Kenny looks up at the Women.
KENNY
......He says Maddie’s gonna have a ......baby boy.
Maddie laughs. It’s a dark, angry laugh.
EXT. SATELLITE IN ORBIT - NIGHT
SATELLITE TRANSMISSION
......God is great. I bear witness to no god ......but God. I bear witness to...
EXT. A HILLTOP - NIGHT
Alan eats dinner.
RUFUS (O.S.)
......There’s an old motel I want you to ......take a look at. It’s near where ......you are.
ALAN
......Yes, sir.
INT. RUFUS’ OFFICE - DAY
Classical music plays. A portrait on wall of an older, graver Bolivar.
RUFUS
......Stand by for coordinates download. Good ......luck, Major.
Rufus presses a switch. He turns, smiles. It’s a nervous, brittle smile.
RUFUS
......It’s been a good day. I’ve done some good ......work. There haven’t been very many days ......lately where I can say that.
Kid, in an immaculate military uniform, walks to the wet bar.
KID
......A drink, sir?
RUFUS
......A drink. Yes. I think I will.
EXT. THE HILLTOP - DAY
Maddie sits and stares at the deserted baseball diamond.
In the distance, we see the motel. We see Wendy, Tammy and Maria and all the kids, fishing poles in their hands, climb aboard the bus. We see the bus drive off, horn happily honking.
EXT. THE MOTEL - NIGHT A fire consumes the motel. We see Maddie dancing before the flames.
INT. KENNY’S BUS - NIGHT
The Bus races toward the blaze. We see Maddie, bat held like a warclub, the fire behind her enveloping her, making her appear like an avenging angel.
MELEK RIK keeps going. More pages. We're up to about page 47, nearing the halfway point. Soon things will explode, but in a way you never expected...
INT. THE ENTRY HALL OF A PALACE - DAY
Armed GUARDS stand vigilant at each entrance. Sound of a man in boots walking on tile. He's coming closer. Subdued lighting. Soft, plucked-string music. Polished deep red Persian marble. Lights focus on an ornate open casket.
Bolivar approaches. He removes his headdress, stands silently, looking down at the glassed-in MUMMY of a Chinese woman in her early 40’s.
Suddenly, reflected in the glass, the face of MAJOR MATTHEW BOLIVAR, 28, soft eurasian features. He bites his lip.
MAJOR
................................Father.
Bolivar does not acknowledge him.
MAJOR
................................I want an independent command. ................................I want a token of a father's trust.
BOLIVAR
................................Wrong time, wrong place, ................................Matthew. Your mother was a ................................stickler for timing. And she ................................had a sense of place.
MAJOR
................................She’s not my mother anymore!
The Major storms out, pushing a Guard out of the way. Rufus emerges from the shadows.
RUFUS
................................He has a new lover.
BOLIVAR
................................Male or female?
RUFUS
................................Why, female, of course.
EXT. A LARGE BARN - NIGHT
Bright lights inside. We hear DANCE MUSIC. We hear a deep-voiced woman singing over a record. A line of old CARS and BUSES are parked in a field of weeds. In the bed of one pickup, a generator runs noisily. A cord snakes from the generator to a plug at the barn door.
A bus approaches. It’s the same old rattletrap we saw earlier at the motel. It halts near the entrance. The door slides open. Maddie and Tammy hop out. They’re dressed in jeans, cowboy shirts and boots. They grin. The MAN tending the generator calls out.
MAN
................................Kenny! Got any alcohol?
KENNY (O.S.)
................................Might have a gallon or two.
The man holds up a five-gallon gas can, shakes it.
MAN
................................Sure could use some. Running ................................low.
INT. THE BARN - NIGHT
Fifty MEN and WOMEN dance. A dozen teenaged BOYS and GIRLS stand at the wall. Whit, hair thinner and greyer, tends an old CD player. A song like “Wonderful Tonight” plays. A LARGE WOMAN with a powerful voice stands on a raised platform singing along with the song into a microphone. The song ends. Everybody applauds.
LARGE WOMAN
................................Now we got one just for the young ................................folks.
The Men whoop it up.
LARGE WOMAN
................................What song you got, Whitney?
MAN IN CROWD
................................Better be a good one!
Whit waves a CD, inserts it into the player. A few of the WOMEN prod the teenaged Girls to pair up with the Boys, just as a “Crocodile Rock” type song plays.
The Teenagers dance. The Adults clap, urging them on. The Large Woman sings over the song. She’s pretty good. Maddie, a mean look, saunters up to Kid, who sits near Whit, drinking from a flask and trying not to be noticed. She yanks him out onto the floor, gives him a dangerous look. They dance. Everyone appears to be trying hard to ignore them. Kenny gives Tammy a “here we go again” look.
EXT. AMONGST THE PARKED VEHICLES - NIGHT
From inside, we hear a loud fast song playing. A lot of whooping and hollering and laughing. Maddie has Kid pinned on the bed of a pickup. She straddles him, kissing him hungrily. Kid tries pushing her off, but she is relentless.
MADELINE
................................It’s O.K. I won’t hurt you. It’s O.K.
KID
................................Stop it! Goddammit, I mean it! ................................Whit’s gonna wonder where I am.
MADELINE
................................Whit's doing just fine.
Maddie pulls at Kid’s clothes. He gets an arm free and hits her in the face. She hits him back and grabs him, squeezing him hard.
MADELINE
................................Don’t you hit me. Don’t you ever ................................think of hitting me.
................................Shut up. Now drink.
She starts to undo his pants as we hear the crunch of boots close by.
KENNY (O.S.)
................................Let him go.
INT. KENNY’S BUS - NIGHT
The headlights cut through the pitch black. Maddie sits alone in the front passenger bench. Tammy snores two benches back. Kenny turns his head, looks back at Maddie. She turns her head, looks out the window into the pitch black. Kenny suddenly jams on the brakes, bringing the bus to a screeching halt. In the headlights, a mountain lion nonchalantly saunters across the road.
INT. MADDIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The bloody bat in a rifle rack over the headboard. Kenny and Maddie are naked on her bed, having intense, athletic, angry sex. Maddie’s on top, straddling him.
MADELINE (V.O.)
................................When a lion’s in heat, she has sex ................................hundreds of times. It’s not a ................................pleasure thing. It’s a numbers ................................thing. You don’t know which ................................slug’s gonna hit the bull’s- ................................eye. So you keep firing away. ................................Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
INT. JEREMY’S APARTMENT - DAY
A loud knock. Chloe and Jeremy freeze. The four CHILDREN, three Girls, Maggie, 9; Margie, 10; Maddie, 11; and one Boy, Mackie, 8, stare at the door apprehensively. Another knock, louder. Jeremy nods and recedes with the Children into the next room. Chloe opens the door to two unsmiling POLICEMEN.
................................No one by that name either.
POLICEMAN 1
................................All right. You want plodding? We’ll ................................plod. I need a word with the person ................................formerly known as Jeremy Slezak. ................................I suspect you know where he is. I ................................suggest you produce him ................................immediately if not sooner.
Chloe hesitates.
POLICEMAN 1
................................Take all the time you want. ................................Eventually, we’ll be inside. ................................It’s your choice how we get ................................there.
EXT. A RUDE BALLPARK IN THE HILLS - DAY
The bus is parked along the third base line. Kenny has the hood popped with the engine idling. He fiddles with the throttle. The engine sounds rough. On the diamond, seven BOYS practice barechested. Most are barefoot. They share five mitts. Maddie stands at home plate. She hits a sharp grounder. The Boy at short muffs it.
MADELINE
................................Keep the ball in front of you! ................................Don’t let it get by you! Knock ................................it down if you don’t catch it!
She hits another. The Boy at second snags it.
MADELINE
................................Better! Square your body! Look ................................the ball into the glove!
INT. THE KITCHEN IN JEREMY’S APARTMENT - DAY
Two taped-up cardboard boxes rest on the kitchen table. The two Policemen begin opening them. Jeremy looks nervous.
................................They were together only five ................................months before. Before what ................................happened, happened.
The two Policemen rip the tape off and open the boxes.
POLICEMAN 1
................................Just some papers.
POLICEMAN 2
................................Photo Albums. Shit.
JEREMY
................................I never opened the boxes.
POLICEMAN 2
<...............................What do you know about her?
JEREMY
...............................I met her only once. She ...............................didn't seem the type. I ...............................don't know what she saw ...............................in him. She seemed ...............................nice. Almost sweet.
EXT. THE BALLPARK - DAY
There’s been a collision at home plate. The catcher lies sprawled, separated from the ball. Maddie stands over him. She screams at the top of her voice.
MADELINE
................................If they get the ball to you, ................................no excuse you not catching ................................and holding on! Rule number ................................one! They don't score! I ................................don’t care if your Mom’s ................................coming around third! She ................................goes down! You say "Sorry, ................................Mom” and dust her off. But ................................Mom don’t score!
INT. THE KITCHEN IN JEREMY’S APARTMENT - DAY
Policeman 1 pages through a thick legal document. Policeman 2 looks through a photo album.
POLICEMAN 1
................................Shit!Listen to this. ....................................(Reads) ................................Parties to this marriage have ................................discussed their future plans ................................and desires relating to having ................................children. Both parties hereby ................................acknowledge they shall not ................................have children. This is based ................................upon an analysis of the parties' ................................anticipated family structure, ................................financial situation and the ................................lifestyle the parties anticipate.
POLICEMAN 2
................................Pssst!
Policeman 1 looks up. Policeman 2, grinning, holds up a full-frontal nude pic of Maddie.
POLICEMAN 1
............................... There's your lifestyle.
They laugh.
INT. A LARGE ORNATE HOTEL DINING ROOM - DAY
Early morning. Clasical music plays. A scattering of breakfast eaters. Rufus sits at a corner table, surrounded by empty tables. A WAITER takes his order.
The Waiter nods, leaves. At the far end, we see a MAN in a military uniform walking toward Rufus. He strides with purpose and precision. Rufus looks up, watches him approach. He's expecting him. As he draws closer, we see it’s Alan. Rufus indicates a chair. Alan sits, bolt upright.
RUFUS
................................Captain Wetzel. Congratulations ................................on your promotion. I knew a ................................Wetzel years ago. He was a ................................baseball player. Any relation?
ALAN
................................No sir.
Rufus points to a folder. Alan takes it, opens it.
INSERT: The Folder
An artist’s drawing of a thirty-five year old Maddie.
BACK TO SCENE
RUFUS
................................We got that from a fourteen- ................................year old photo. She’d be thirty- ................................five now. Still pretty.
ALAN
................................Yes sir. Very much so.
EXT. THE BALLPARK - DAY
The Boys play workups. Maddie never takes her eye off them.
MADELINE
................................Play hard! Play the game right!
KENNY
................................My mother was like you.
The Left Fielder heaves the ball toward home plate. It falls short and wide.
MADELINE
................................What’s wrong with hitting the ................................cutoff man?!
KENNY
................................After every little league game, ................................there was one-on-one with mom. ................................I’d come away feeling this high.
MADELINE
................................Made you a better player.
KENNY
................................Made me an asshole.
The First Baseman lets a pickoff throw get by him.
MADELINE
................................You asleep out there?!
KENNY
................................What happened to the game ................................of baseball?
MADELINE
................................It stopped being a game when ................................some of our "heroes" decided ................................to cut corners.
A long smoldering silence.
KENNY
................................Fuck you.
Maddie gives him a deadly serious look.
MADELINE
................................Any time, asshole.
Kenny opens the throttle wide. The engine quits.
EXT. A MAIN STREET IN A SMALL IDAHO MOUNTAIN TOWN - DAY
Jonah stands at the side of the road, He's nervous, but trying to look tough. An rickety old 15-passenger VAN rounds the corner, horn honking. We see the Van is half-filled. A sign in the front windshield: “Coeur d'Alene.” Jonah waves. The Van stops. Jonah speaks with a slight stutter.
JONAH
................................You going to Coeur d'Alene?
The DRIVER rolls his eyes, points to the sign.
INT. THE VAN - DAY
Kid taps Jonah.
KID
...............................Where you going?
JONAH
<...............................Coeur d'Alene.
KID
...............................I meant, where in Coeur d'Alene?
Jonah takes out a scrap of paper.
JONAH
...............................Going to this place. Getting a ...............................throttle and an alternator.
Kid snatches it.
KID
...............................Oh yeah. I know this. The ...............................Chinks. Two Chinese guys. ...............................Everyone says "The Chinks." ...............................How's your Dad?
JONAH
...............................Good.
KID
...............................And Ria? I mean, your Mom?
JONAH
..............................Mom's good.
Kid produces a flask, takes a swig.
KID
.............................Your Mom and Dad and me go way
.............................back. We all came here together on a .............................train. Quite an adventure. Don't know .............................if they ever told you.
EXT. THE VAN - DAY
The Van enters a forested area
JONAH (O.S.)
.............................Uh. Dad said he worked for the ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,government. Back when we had ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,a government.
KID (O.S.)
...............................Oh, so they didn't tell you. Well, ...............................you're a man now. All grown up, ...............................your Dad sending you out alone ...............................on family business. Time you ...............................heard the story. This was before ...............................you were born. There was me ...............................and your Dad and your Mom ...............................and Mister Whitney and your ...............................Aunt Maddie. Here. Have a ...............................sip of this. Anyway...
I spent most of Saturday in a UCI classroom with thirteen other people listening to Paul Chitlik. He's a UCLA Film School guru. A friend of mine refers to him as "Mister Rewrite." It turns out, there's a right and a wrong way to do a screenplay rewrite.
Which is true of almost everything else in screenwriting. It's incredibly formulaic. So formulaic in fact that the people you send your screenplays to expect to see certain things happening on certain pages. There are rules about what happens and where and when it happens. It's almost like a religion. And the good screenwriters, like good theologians, know how to be creative without leaving the reservation. As one teacher put it, "Learn the rules, then break them intelligently." Or as one "How To Write A Screenplay" book says, give me the same, only different. Whew!
Paul Chitlik is worth the five hours. Anyone who has screenwriting ambitions should take his course.
Here's the outline of Saturday's class and you can see from it how the basic screenwriting building blocks work:
1. Ordinary Life. First 10 pages. Getting to know who the central character is and what her issue is. In Thelma & Louise, at the beginning we see Louise's boring waitress gig and poor Thelma being pushed around by her husband.
2. The Inciting Incident. Usually around page 15, give or take a couple of pages. This is what changes her life forever. This compels her to act. Louise shoots Harlan when he tries to rape Thelma.
3. End of Act One. When your character decides on a course of action in order to deal with whatever the inciting incident brought up. Making a plan is part of that. This occurs between pages 25-35. Thelma and Louise decide to flee to Mexico.
4. Midpoint or turning point. This happens right around the middle wherein the action takes a sudden and new unexpected direction. The goal may change. The central character may realize what his/her flaw is. The want becomes a need. JD steals their Mexico money. Thelma "grows up" and takes charge.
5. The Low Point. End of the second act. The "all is lost" point in terms of the goal. There's no way in hell they'll ever reach their goal. Happens around page 75-80. The cops close in.
6. The Final Challenge. That final test, the final barrier that your character must overcome in order to reach her goal. Very close to the end. They resolve to go out in a blaze of glory on their own terms. Woohooo!
7. Return to Normal Life, but forever changed. Two or three pages to show us that life goes on and that our character has triumphed. A montage showing Thelma and Louise setting out on their journey.
The next time you go to a flick with your significant other, drive everyone crazy with this outline. You'll never get invited again.
The other thing Professor Chitlik stressed was the A, B and C stories. You've got to have them scoped out in detail and you have to know how they interact and support one another. The A Story is the plot. The B Story is the relationship. The C Story is the character arc. Most people who liked Thelma & Louise focused on the B Story, on how the relationship between the two ladies evolved. The key to that evolution was the C Story, which tracked Thelma's character arc. If Thelma hadn't grown and become tough, it wouldn't have been much of a story.
Thelma & Louise. If you haven't seen it lately, check it out.
