UNFORTUNATELY, WE WILL BE ABLE TO USE YOUR WORK...

In an earlier post on this blog, I presented examples of various turn-down letters I've received from theatres over the years.

But the one I got this week tops them all. It was a form-letter email that hilariously left out the crucial telling adverb "not," as in "we will not be using your play."



Maybe I should show up for the reading. On second thought, no.

TIME TO CUT THE CORD ON THE PALESTINIANS?

Ismail Haniya (pictured above) has got to be the dumbest white man on the planet. Or maybe the second dumbest. One or the other. Who is Ismail Haniya? The Head Honcho of Hamas, that's who. Mister Numero Uno in Gazaland, that's who. How dumb is he? Here's a message from him to the teeming Palestinian masses:

“We are approaching victory. The blood which has flowed
will not have flowed in vain. I tell you that after 17 days
of this war, Gaza has not been broken and Gaza will
not fall.”

That said as ten thousand Jews With Guns hit the ground running in Gaza City like it was junior high school recess.

Your first impulse is to admire the little fuck. You see the bombs raining down and the Israeli tanks and artillery punching holes in walls and you want to cheer him on. It's human nature to root for the underdog, to pull for the scrappy little dude who says "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore."

At the same time, you know it's gonna be one of those lost-cause deals. You know the odds are long, the chances for success, slim. It's like what Seinfeld said:


Jerry: Like a spider in the toilet struggling for survival. And even though
you know it's not going to make it, you kind of root for it.

Elaine: And then you flush.

Jerry: Well, it's a spider.


"You kind of root for it." Yeah, you do. But it's getting harder and harder. The rooting starts to stop when Mister Stubborn puts on his stupid hat.

Face it, some people lack common sense. Some people wouldn't know common sense if it walked up behind them and bit them on the ass. Common sense says sometimes you gotta back away, gotta load up and leave, gotta cut your losses and live to fight again. Ismail must have missed class the day they played the Kenny Rogers song:

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done



The Developed World has sent aid to the Palestinians for a long time. How long? Don't even ask. However long it's been, it hasn't helped them. They've done little more than turn their corner of the world into a first-class shit hole.

Add to that the fact they've had an unbroken string of exceptionally fucked-up leaders. In case you don't know what "exceptionally fucked-up" means, it's like this: when things are going really bad and it looks like surrender might be one of the few viable options left, an exceptionally fucked-up leader would be one who would seriously consider blowing himself and everyone else in a fifty mile radius to smithereens. Who was the last leader to consider going that route? I won't tell you, but his last name is spelled H-I-T-L-E-R.


So maybe it's time for someone to change. Don't expect it to be them. Ain't no Obamas riding the range in Gazaland.

If they can't change, we sure can. We Americans know change. We invented change.

But. first and foremost, some guiding principles are required. We need a philosophy. We need some wisdom. We need a guru. Where to turn? Where to turn?

Hmmmm. Aha! I know.

How about that great seer and visionary, Sam Kinison? RIP. Here he is articulating his views on world hunger...

ARE PALESTINIANS DUMB? SMART? NEITHER?

Palestinians have to be the dumbest humanoids on the planet. If there were an international competition for dumb-as-dirt, they'd win, hands down. Guaranteed. No question. Don't believe me? Just listen to these cocksuckers:



Some people feel sorry for them. It's a natural tendency. They see pictures on the news channels of Palestinian children all bloody and frightened and they think, "How awful! Someone should do something!"



Such people manifest a condition known as the Baby Seal Syndrome. Remember the baby seals? A classic animal rights fund-raising ploy. They'd show you a picture of a cute, cuddly baby seal staring up at you with those sad helpless eyes and you'd melt and end up writing a big check to stop the killing.



Palestinians are not baby seals. They're not cute and cuddly. Fact is, they're not much of anything. When you get right down to it, they're little more than a pack of not-very-photogenic country shitkickers.

So much for visuals. What's more to the point is what's happening, if anything, between their ears. Is there any gray matter in there? If yes, is it functioning or is it dormant? This is a legitimate question. For you'd think, after 50 odd years of getting their collective asses kicked, a light bulb would switch on over at least one of them. But no.

You'd think, after considering the enormous imbalance in weaponry between themselves and the Israelis, the Palestinian leadership would tread lightly in order to not provoke the other side. But no.

You'd think, if something's not working and hasn't worked for a long time, that someone amongst them would say, "This isn't working. We need to change." But no.

Face it. There are no Obamas in Palestinianland. No one is crying out for change. Hamas ain't change. It's nothing more than the same old shit rebranded.

Which brings us back to dumb.

Evidence of really dumb things done by Palestinians. Not long ago, they fired off some rockets at Israel, one of which destroyed an Israeli kindergarten. Happily, no one was there at the time. The Israelis retaliated by shelling a Palestinian school, killing 40 children. Dumb. You don't provoke a lion. Unless you're another lion.

Years ago, Saddam Hussein's uncle, Khairallah Tulfah, authored a pamphlet entitled, Three Whom God Should not Have Created: Persians, Jews and Flies.

He was one short. There are four. He forgot to include the Palestinians.