The Dumbest Country Cocksucker in America just got dumber. Manny "Manny Being Manny" Ramirez got caught using a banned substance. And what's worse, he got caught by Major League Baseball, which has the lamest testing program in the KNOWN UNIVERSE. You have to be extra-special stupid with sprinkles on top to fail that test. But the Dodgers, being the Dodgers, signed the only man in baseball who could fill that bill. Way to go, Frank!
But the real villian in this debacle is Vic The Brick. Who is Vic The Brick? He's this Los Angeles sports talk goofball who begged the Dodgers to sign Ramirez. Begged them to give Manny anything he asked (even though no other team wanted him). Vic wanted Manny on the Dodger roster so badly he would have sucked Frank McCourt's dick on the pitcher's mound during 7th inning stretch on Ball Day (Lucky for him Frank doesn't have one) if that's what it would have taken.
And guess what? The Dodgers actually listened to Vic the Brick. They signed the motherfucker for 45 Mill for 2 years.
So, if you want to know whose ass to kick for signing Manny, go down to AM570 and ask for the Resident Idiot. Dollars to doughnuts, every finger in the joint will point to Vic the Brick.
And just to get you in the right mood for some big time ass kicking, watch this video before you go. It's Vic the Brick welcoming Manny to Los Angeles. But a word of caution. Don't watch on a full stomach...
Hey, Dodger fans. Check out the video. See that guy? That's Manny Ramirez, standing in left field farting, chewing pumpkin seeds, scratching his balls and doing that dumb chicken-wing thing with his elbows. Now tell me with a straight face your grandfather with Parkinson's couldn't do what Manny's doing for a lot less money.
Most of the time, I ignore baseball. It's boring and, at least since the Steroid Era, tainted. Tainted to the degree you just can't tell anymore who's dirty and who's clean.
Even so, you want the heroes in any sport to be able to stand tall, to be god-like and to represent the game in all its finer virtues. And this is where Manny Ramirez comes up way short. When you look at him, it becomes abundantly clear right at the getgo, he ain't no Bad Henry. He ain't no Mister October. He ain't even a Charlie Fucking Hustle. You look at Manny, you try to smile and nod patronizingly as he mumbles and drools his way through what passes for an interview and you think, "This guy's a fucking fruitloop. It's like having Bozo the Clown as your star player."
And it's true. For $45 Million, we got a clueless, dumb-as-dirt, goober-picking country cocksucker who couldn't string a subject, a verb and a direct object together if you put a gun to his head.
Add to this the fact that we signed the motherfucker for stratospheric megabucks at a time when no other team in the known universe wanted him. Let me repeat that. No one else was bidding. The Dodger owner (pictured below heading toward a hotel suite to celebrate with his gay "nephew") was bidding against himself. If you ever had doubts about the business acumen of American capitalists, Frank McCourt is your guy.
Years ago, when the Red Sox were looking to sign Manny from Cleveland, some of the Boston scouts were of the opinion he was borderline retarded. They were probably right, and you have to wonder, if this doofus couldn't hit a baseball, could he hold down a job at, say, McDonalds?
