KING DAVID, FLAWS AND ALL

IMAGINE: a musical about david by Dale Andersen

David. Shepherd boy. Giant Killer. Bandit Prince. Poet. Composer. Singer. Dancer. General. Lawgiver. Priest King. Temple Builder. As well as bad friend, bad lover, bad family guy. In other words, flawed, flawed, flawed.

The neat thing is, we have so much detail on David. Enough detail for at least six movies. There's the David and Samuel story. And the David and Goliath story. And David and King Saul. David and Jonathan. David and Bathsheba. David and Absalom. Whew!

Mind you, the flaws are his best part. David's flaws are massive in scope and cut right to the bone. A Christian can identify with David. Every Christian likes a good juicy flaw and David has a truckload. Face it, he's wasted on the Jews. All they ever did was name a hotel after him. The Muslims are even more clueless. They declared him a prophet. For those of you who don't know, a Muslim prophet is a man who is entirely without sin. How boring.

So anyway....

I wrote a musical about David. 18 songs. I wrote the lyrics. Will Lakow wrote the music. This is Will:



Will's in studio these days cutting a new album. Can't wait for that.

I put together a seven minute medley. Just click and you'll get a flavor of my David...



My fave Will Lakow tune is One Shot, a jazzy piano-rock piece...



YOU GET ONE SHOT
AND YOU SINK OR SWIM WITH IT
YOU GET ONE SHOT
AND YOU SOAR OR TAKE A HIT

GRAB IT AND YOU'RE OH SO CLEVER
SEE YOU ON YOUR WAY
GRAB IT OR IT'S LOST FOREVER
WATCH IT SLIP AWAY

YOU GET ONE SHOT
IT'S THE SAME FOR ALL AND ONE
YOU GET ONE SHOT
FOR YOUR SEASON IN THE SUN

GRAB IT AND YOU'RE OH SO CLEVER
SEE YOU TOUCH THE SKY
GRAB IT OR IT'S LOST FOREVER
KISS YOUR LUCK GOOD BYE

YOU GET ONE SHOT
DID YOUR BEST GO IN THE TANK?
YOU GET ONE SHOT
THERE'S THE QUICKSAND AND YOU SANK

ONE SHOT AND YOU'RE HISTORY
ONE SHOT AND IT'S OVER
ONE SHOT FOR THE VICTORY
ONE SHOT, YOU'RE IN CLOVER

YOU GET ONE SHOT
ALWAYS ONCE AND NEVER TWICE.
YOU GET ONE SHOT
FOR THE CHAMPAGNE CHILLED ON ICE.

IT'S ONE SHOT TO CLEAR ALL THE BASES
ONE SHOT TO DRAW ALL THE ACES
ONE SHOT TO WIN ALL THE RACES
ONE SHOT'S ALL YOU GET!


Here's the first 14 pages of my David musical. Enjoy!




(At rise: a lovely afternoon. A verdant meadow. DAVID keeps watch over his father's flock, writing in a copybook. His slingshot lies beside him. SHEEP 1, SHEEP 2 & SHEEP 3 recline chewing cuds. Enter SATAN in a black robe. He walks with a slight limp. He stands at a distance, watches DAVID warily, frowning. Enter GABRIEL in a white robe)

GABRIEL:

Well, what do you know? Satan! It's really you! As I live and breathe! Seemed like you fell off the edge of the earth. What have you been doing with yourself?

SATAN:

Oh, you know me. Going here, there and everywhere, to and fro in the earth. Walking up and down in it.

GABRIEL:

Lovely afternoon.

SATAN:

It is indeed. Been a long time, hasn't it?

GABRIEL:

It has. We should get together now and then.

SATAN:

We should. We really should. I'm not just saying that.

GABRIEL:

Oh now, look over there. Isn't that young David? Such a dutiful boy, keeping watch over his father's sheep. And always with some writing material on him. Such diligence.

SATAN:

Diligence? His merely having a pen and paper warrants your praise? Your standards are much too relaxed. It's just some schoolboy doodling.

GABRIEL:

You're being hard on the boy.

SATAN:

I seriously doubt you'll find the Code of Hammurabi or an account of Deucalion's Flood in there. Think how it was in our day. Nowadays it's hey, whatever.

GABRIEL:

They say David writes for self-improvement.

SATAN:

You'd be shocked at what kids do for quote self-improvement.

GABRIEL:

I'm sure David is writing something serious.

SATAN:

Perhaps. Perhaps. Or he may be scribbling trash. Or a love sonnet. Or, God forbid, drawings of naked girls.

GABRIEL:

Is your knee acting up?

SATAN:

My knee's fine. What's not fine is the current state of things. In our day, life was serious.

GABRIEL:

That was then. I say, David's not the type to engage in trash. In fact, I'm willing to bet money on it.

SATAN:

Oh, beware, Master Gabriel! He who bets, barters hope for false hope. Sorrow and misery will engulf thee.

GABRIEL:

I was speaking of a friendly wager, Master Satan.

SATAN:

Oh. Well. As long as its friendly.

(SATAN & GABRIEL stop near DAVID. SHEEP 1, 2 & 3 eye them suspiciously. GABRIEL clears throat)

GABRIEL:

Greetings, young David. And how are things with the herd this lovely Spring afternoon?

(SHEEP 1 & 2 roll their eyes. SHEEP 3 sticks out tongue. DAVID looks up)

DAVID:

Flock. It's flock. A group of sheep is a flock.

(SHEEP 1, 2 & 3 hold up signs Flock flock flock, were a flock)

GABRIEL:

We stand corrected. We couldn't help noticing you always seem to have writing material with you.

DAVID:

Yes, sir. I keep a copybook. To write my ideas down.

GABRIEL:

So you do. So you do. Admirable practice, that.

DAVID:

(Stands, sticks slingshot in belt)
My mother says, you never know when an idea will hit. For example? I had an incredible idea for. Are you ready for this? The temple! Came to me out of the blue. Almost like a dream. Like wham! There it was.

SATAN:

(Rolls eyes)
Oh Dear God in Heaven!

GABRIEL:

Dont mind Master Satan. Ever since the fall. And the knee injury. Well, never mind. David, tell us about this temple, please. Details. Details.

DAVID:

Oh, just amazing. It came to me in living color. All the proportions, the lengths, the widths, the heights. I have it all down in here. I made numerous sketches. I even know where the temple should go. Look over there. Do you see that ridge?

GABRIEL:

You mean that one? By Jerusalem there?

DAVID:

Yes. Mount Moriah. The high point outside the walls.

GABRIEL:

I will admit it does look like a promising site.

DAVID:

I calculated the temple's height, floor to dome, at fifty feet. As God's house, we need room for Him to stand inside and move about. God is forty feet tall.

SATAN:

Forty feet tall? Where on earth did you get that?

DAVID:

From reading Moses. The passage in the Torah where he took the elders up Mount Sinai to meet God? It says they saw the feet of God. I thought long and hard about that. People were smaller back then, due to diet, disease, whatever. Assuming a man back then was four and a half feet tall, assuming God's ankle was at eye level, it should measure four feet from God's sole to His ankle.

GABRIEL:

This is very interesting! A solid biblical reference!

SATAN:

(Rolls eyes)
Oh right.

DAVID:

The feet and ankles being one-tenth of a man's height, and keeping in mind that man is formed in God's image, I extrapolated God's aggregate height as forty feet.

GABRIEL:

Why boy! Youre amazing!

DAVID:

Someday, somehow, I'm going to build this temple.

(Sings. As he does, SHEEP 1, 2, 3 collect wood and stones and erect a rude temple)


(Sings)
IMAGINE
ON THAT MOUNTAINTOP A TEMPLE
IMAGINE ON THAT MOUNTAINTOP GOD'S HOME
IMAGINE FROM AFAR
LIKE A BRIGHT AND SHINING STAR
A TEMPLE TO THE GLORY
OF THE ONE WHO REIGNS

THEN CONSIDER
ALL THE WHEREWITHAL TO MAKE IT
CONSIDER ALL THE WHEREWITHAL TO START
CONSIDER ALL THE PARTS
EACH CRAFTSMAN AND HIS ART
EACH MASON EV'RY CARVER
AND EACH ARTISAN

THEN YOU ASK ME
WHO'S THE WORTHY ONE TO BUILD IT
YOU ASK ME WHOS THE WORTHY ONE TO TRY
YOU ASK ME TO IMPART
WHAT TRUTH WITHIN MY HEART
COMPELS ME TO ENDEAVOR
TO EXALT HIS NAME

AND GOD WILLING I WILL BUILD IT
AND GOD WILLING IT WILL STAND
AND GOD WILLING IT WILL LIGHT UP
LIKE A BEACON IN THE LAND.

AND GOD WILLING I WILL BUILD IT
AND GOD WILLING IT WILL BE
AND GOD WILLING IT WILL GUARD US
FROM THE MOUNTAINS TO THE SEA.

AND GOD WILLING I WILL BUILD IT
AND GOD WILLING IT WILL RULE
AND GOD WILLING IT WILL SHOW US
HOW TO KNOW THAT WHICH IS TRUE.

AND GOD WILLING I WILL BUILD IT
AND GOD WILLING WITH HIS LOVE
AND GOD WILLING WE WILL KNOW HIM
AND HIS BLESSINGS FROM ABOVE.

IMAGINE
ON THAT MOUNTAINTOP A TEMPLE
IMAGINE ON THAT MOUNTAINTOP GOD'S HOME
IMAGINE FROM AFAR
LIKE A BRIGHT AND SHINING STAR
A TEMPLE TO THE GLORY
OF THE ONE WHO REIGNS
(Beat)
Someday, I will build it.

SATAN:

Shepherd boy to temple builder. Now that's a stretch.

GABRIEL:

Now now. Let's not discourage the lad.

SATAN:

Far be it from me to discourage any young person with reasonable goals. Now correct me if I'm wrong on this, in order to build a temple.

DAVID:

No no. The Temple!

SATAN:

Right. Yes. The Temple. In order to build the temple, one would first have to be the king. Young David's kingly prospects don't seem very promising.

DAVID:

You mean I have to be king first? Is that right?

GABRIEL:

I'm afraid Master Satan is right.

SATAN:

Of course I'm right.

GABRIEL:

You see, David, kings don't take kindly to private citizens usurping kingly functions. Building the temple would be a task reserved for a king.

DAVID:

King. Hmmmm. I could do that. I'd make a good king.

(SHEEP 1 & 2 hold coronation for SHEEP 3)

GABRIEL:

I've no doubt you would.

SATAN:

Why are you encouraging him? Let him be something normal, like a farmer.

GABRIEL:

But a king can do so much good. Think of the benefits.

SATAN:

Think of all the waste. Kings tend to be bad.

GABRIEL:

Goodness! There is so much negativity in you.

SATAN:

It's called reality.


(Sings)
THIS IS WHAT A KING WILL DO
HE'LL TAKE YOUR EV'RY SON,
HE'LL TAKE THEM FOR HIS CHARIOTS
HE'LL TAKE THEM EVRY ONE.

THIS IS WHAT A KING WILL DO
HE'LL FILL THE LAND WITH SPIES
HE'LL FILL YOUR PURSE WITH BRIBERY
HE'LL FILL YOUR HEAD WITH LIES.

THIS IS WHAT A KING WILL DO
HE'LL COUNT YOUR HOUSE AND LAND
HE'LL COUNT ON YOU TO PAY THE TAX
HE'LL COUNT YOU AS HIS MAN.

A KING WILL TAKE YOUR SILVER
A KING WILL TAKE YOUR GOLD
HE'LL GIVE IT TO HIS OFFICERS
TO KEEP THEM BOUGHT AND SOLD

THIS IS WHAT A KING WILL DO
HE'LL PUT YOU IN HIS SIGHTS
HE'LL PUT HIS FOOT DOWN ON YOUR NECK
HE'LL PUT TO DEATH YOUR RIGHTS.

A KING WILL TAKE YOUR DIAMONDS
A KING WILL TAKE YOUR PEARLS
HE'LL MAKE THEM INTO NECKLACES
FOR ALL HIS WIVES AND GIRLS

SO THAT IS WHAT A KING WILL DO
YOU'LL CRY OUT FOR RELIEF.
YOU'LL CRY OUT HOW THIS ISN'T JUST
YOU'LL CRY OUT IN YOUR GRIEF.

THAT IS WHAT A KING WILL DO
HE'LL TAKE YOUR EV'RY SON,
HE'LL TAKE THEM FOR HIS CHARIOTS
HE'LL TAKE THEM EVRY ONE.

DAVID:

No! No! I would never be like that.

GABRIEL:

Of course you wouldn't. Of course he wouldn't.

DAVID:

My mom would be really angry if I was a bad king.

GABRIEL:

You'd never be that.

DAVID:

No way. When I am king, you know what I'll do? I'll go to peoples houses and knock on their door. Ill say, Hi, I'm David. Your King? How'm I doing?

(Mime. SHEEP 3, wearing crown, knocks on door. SHEEP 1 & 2, as humble peasants, open door, feign exaggerated shock, delight)

GABRIEL:

A truly laudable idea.

SATAN:

What if they say, David, you stink! You should quit!

(Long pause)

DAVID:

No! They. They wouldn't say that. Would they?

SATAN:

Master Gabriel and I had a bet about you. My bet was that you, like all young people today, engage in nothing but idle thoughts and trash. I think that's been amply demonstrated.
(Hands coin to DAVID)
Heres the amount we bet. I won. I always win. I give my winnings to you. You'll need it. Just don't spend it all in one place, boy.

(SATAN turns to leave, a smug smile)

DAVID:

How about I give you a chance to win it back?

SATAN:

Thanks but no thanks. Once is enough. You keep it.

DAVID:

Just as I suspected. You go for the easy wins, do you? But run away from the hard ones. Is that it?

(SATAN stops, does not turn)

SATAN:

You don't know what hard means, little one.

GABRIEL:

David. Please. Master Satan meant it as a joke. There was no intention to insult you. Let it go.

SATAN:

(Turns)
No. Let him talk. Let him dig the hole deeper.

DAVID:

Master Gabriel is a kind person. He'll always let you win. With me, it'd be different. It wouldn't be a gimme. But go ahead and run away if you want.

SATAN:

You do have a mouth on you.

GABRIEL:

Oh David. I do wish you'd learn to hold your tongue.

SATAN:

It's all right, Gabriel. He needs to learn. Name your game, boy.

DAVID:

Rock, Paper, Scissors.

SATAN:

I know the game.

DAVID:

(Sets coin on ground)
One time. One time for all the marbles. Rock smashes scissors. Scissors cut paper. Paper covers rock.

SATAN:

I said, I know the game. Let's do it.

(GABRIEL moves back. SATAN & DAVID circle each other, staring each other down. They stop. They face each other)

DAVID & SATAN:

Once. Twice. Thrice. Go!

(They both show rock)

SATAN:

Oho! You got lucky that time.

(SATAN & DAVID circle each other menacingly. They stop. They face each other)

DAVID & SATAN:

Once. Twice. Thrice. Go!

(They both show paper)

SATAN:

Another tie. I'm getting to like you less and less.

(SATAN & DAVID circle each other. They stop. They face each other. SATAN nervously blinks, licks his lips)

DAVID & SATAN:

Once. Twice. Thrice. Go!

(SATAN shows paper. DAVID shows scissors. SATAN gasps. DAVID grins)

DAVID:

Scissors cut paper, old man.

(Fade to black. Lights up. Bare stage. SATAN in garish rock and roll garb. He rubs a welt on his arm. It is painful. He gingerly rubs in some balm. A piano is off to the side)

SATAN:

I'll have you know I'm a person of consequence. In the past, I've played opposite some very pretty ladies. And I've had lots of good lines. Lots.
(Takes tattered script)
Here. This is a good example. A nude scene. Listen.
(Reads)
Satan:.. Did God really mean, you mustn't
...........eat from that tree?
Eve:.... We may eat fruit from the trees, but not that one,
...........lest we die. We're not even supposed to touch it.
Satan:.. You won't die. He knows when you eat of it,
...........your eyes'll be opened and you'll be like him.
...........Here. Try it. You'll like it.
(Puts script away)
Wonderful lines, those. Pithy. Dramatic. Fraught with shadings and nuance. They don't write lines like that anymore. Today it's sophomoric relationship drivel spluttered. Thats uttered with a spluh. Spluttered by limp, weak, whiney, clueless, dysfunctional protagonists. I must admit I have deep concerns. A sense of foreboding, if you will. I've a feeling I'll not be well represented in this conceit. No matter. The show goes on, and trouper that I am, I'll strut my hour on stage. But I'll strut warily.
(SAMUEL enters. He has a petition in his hand. He appears troubled)
Samuel, son of Elkanah. A powerful prophet and judge. So powerful they say Jehovah Himself floats on a cloud just behind him. Normally, he's self-assured. But lately, he's been worried. He has a problem. It seems the people want.

SAMUEL:

A king. Half the people in Israel have signed this. This petition!

(JEWS 1, 2, 3 enter with "KING NOW!" protest signs. SATAN goes to piano, plays and sings Jerry Lee Lewis style)

SATAN:

(Sings)
OL' SAM HE GOT THE "KING NOW" BLUES
IT'S GIVING HIM A FRIGHT
PEOPLE MARCHIN' BY HIS HOUSE
ALL HOURS DAY AND NIGHT
PEOPLE AGITATIN' TO
MAKE CHANGES TO THE LAW
HE WONDERS IF THE CAMEL'S BACK
IS BROKEN BY THIS STRAW.
PEOPLE SAY, WE WANT A KING.
THAT'S HOW ITS GOTTA BE.
SORRY, SAM, WE'RE MOVING ON.
DONT BLOCK REALITY

NOW BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL
THINGS'LL GET BETTER FOR YOU.

SAMUEL CRIES IT JUST AIN'T FAIR.
IT'S CRASHING DOWN MY LIFE!
HE HEADS OFF TO SUBURBIA
AND KICKS HIS DOG AND WIFE.
HE GOES INTO THE SYNAGOGUE.
LIKE ANY PIOUS JEW.
TELL ME, TELL ME, LORD OF HOSTS.
OH, TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
THE ANSWER COMES BACK PRESENTLY
THE ANSWER COMES TO HIM.
HAVE A BOWL OF CHICKEN SOUP
AND TAKE SOME ASPIRIN.

AND BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL
THINGS'LL GET BETTER FOR YOU.

SAMUEL CRIES, BUCK UP, YOU SAY?
YOU TOSSIN' ME A BONE?
YOU THROW ME IN THE LIONS' DEN,
I FEEL SO ALL ALONE
NOW SAMUEL, HE'S GROWN USED TO ALL
THE STATUS HE ENJOYS,
USING ALL THE PRIVILEGES,
AND POWER HE DEPLOYS.
FROWNS WHEN YAHWEH SAYS TO HIM
NOW PLEASE DON'T MISCONSTRUE
GET OUT IN FRONT AND LEAD OR I'LL
SEND YOU TO TIMBUKTU.

NOW BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL, BUCK UP
BUCK UP SAMUEL
THINGS'LL GET BETTER FOR YOU.

JEW 1:

The Philistines have kings. Even the dirty, thieving, bushwhacking Amalekites have a king. What about us?

JEW 2:

We need a king. So we can kick some butt.

SAMUEL:

Be patient, my friends. No need for drastic measures. In due time and in the very near future, maybe really, really soon, the Philistine situation will be resolved in our favor.

JEW 3:

Favor schmavor. The future is now. We need a king now.

JEWS 1, 2, 3:

(Waving signs)
King now! King now! King now! King now!

(JEWS 1, 2, 3 exit, chanting, King now! King now! SAMUEL shakes his head wearily, exits in opposite direction)

SATAN:

(Dons robe of royal official as he speaks)
Contrary to received wisdom, I like Jews. Theyre plucky, combative, stiff-necked and they always read the fine print. But every once in a while, they go off the deep end. Take this king thing. There's lots of downside to having a king. Personally, I vote libertarian. The less government, the better. But hey, that's me.

(Lights up, SAUL's throne room. Mandate of Heaven certificate on wall above throne. MASKED AMALEKITE in tribal garb enters, flings spear with a note attached at Mandate. Spear sticks in wall in center of Mandate with a loud thunk! MASKED AMALEKITE exits. SAUL rushes in followed by SAUL'S AIDE 2 & SATAN. SATAN winks at audience)

SAUL:

Did you hear that? What was that?!

SATAN:

What was what, your grace?

SAUL:

Oh my God! Look!

SAUL'S AIDE 2:

An Amalekite spear in your Mandate. With a note.

SAUL:

What does it say? Read it!

SATAN:

(Reads note)
"Oh King Saul! Lament, for yours is a realm of darkness and obscurity! Your legacy will be ruin and more ruin!"

SAUL:

Those Amalekites are scum!

The full script is here